The Playground of Life

I journaled about this on March 3rd with the intention of sharing it right away. But, life got in the way, and as time passed, I found myself in a somewhat awkward spot being stretched in painful ways. So, let's just say, I fell and scraped my knee. But, God doesn't change--He's changing me and so here is what I wrote then, a snapshot if you will:

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I just had a small epiphany. I was in the midst of an intimate time with God feeling very joyful and free (regardless of circumstances) and I thought to Him, "I want to be like this for the rest of my life! No wonder I don't know how to keep my mouth shut, I can't hold the joy in!" But then I had an inkling... Without hearing a distinct thought, I realized "There's more." Then I started to draw some conclusions.

Whatever processes God has yet to bring me through, some of which involve pain, the outcome can only be more joyful that these [processes I have already experienced.] To stay like this would mean to be satisfied with very little. But the goal is not more of anything, it is all a byproduct of walking closer with the Lord in the midst of the circumstances that He brings me through.

Then fragment of a C. S. Lewis quote came to me. Here's the whole thing: "...[We are] like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea. We are far too easily pleased." (I now read this as a freeing statement of fact, not a judgment...)

Anyhow, I couldn't remember at the time (before I looked it up) exactly how it went and I thought it had to do with a child being content to play in the sandbox on a great big playground in the wide wide world. (Sidebar: Isn't it interesting that God started us off in a garden..?) Sticking with the playground analogy, I have now (in FREEDOM) discovered the "slide" and it is amazing! It's just so much fun. BUT, I don't know how to get to the swings yet (and that's okay) and I may have to scrape my knee to get there. God will be enough then. Beyond that... I don't know what there is, but it must be amazing. And someday, I hope to fly...

Oh! I just found another C. S. Lewis quote. Man, that old professor "got it," Lord love 'im.

"At present we are on the outside of the world, the wrong side of the door. We discern the freshness and purity of morning, but they do not make us fresh and pure. We cannot mingle with the splendours we see. But all the leaves of the New Testament are rustling with the rumour that it will not always be so. Some day, God willing, we shall get in."

Now... Before I would have read that and I would have known (by the Holy Spirit) that is was true, but I would have felt a little bit sad... Why? I think it's because I knew deep inside that I was missing out on something in the here and now. I never would have admitted it to myself, but I was jealous. How could he (Lewis) discern such things and I could only read about them?

By the grace of God--I now KNOW these things. My Father is revealing them to me and that is a miracle right there. I'm living in the middle of it, so I know it's true, and I am not ashamed.